The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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