i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
