I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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