you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize