hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
