I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize