It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
