Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
