She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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