I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
