you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize