Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
