I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just found a bag of teeth...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
