Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
