it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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