Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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