he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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