We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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