You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
