These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
