guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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