ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
