would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
