Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
