I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
