Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I understand Curling. That high.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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