batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
