too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
