her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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