so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
