I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
