Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You can't motorboat a personality
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize