Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
