you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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