I'm gonna have a badass scar
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
