Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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