If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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