I cockslap morals
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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