she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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