The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
