real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
