ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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