she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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