I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
