I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
