I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
