I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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