Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
