You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
