also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
