how can u be prego again
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize