Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
