We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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