so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize