guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
