We named our party play list daddy issues
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize