Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i may or may not be watching the land before time
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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