by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
