nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
