Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
