I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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