I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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