I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
