if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
