That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
