I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
