I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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