wanna go halves on a baby?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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