Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
