I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
