I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize