I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think your dad took our porno
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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