i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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