he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
