your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
