the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
