i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
