ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
