i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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