i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's never too late to be topless.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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