i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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