I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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