i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
