i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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