Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
