I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
