i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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