Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
