Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
