mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
