we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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