I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize