my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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