Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize