My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
