That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
