my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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