also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize