my phone cant type all the emotion im having
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
