ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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