Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize