Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
