I'm really into asian looking animals
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
