HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
